Stars, Artifacts & Generals
by Chris4Short
Summary: The revenge of Sam and Daniel that was first started in Coffee, Toxins & Emails... This is broken up into 4 chapters...
1. Default Chapter

Memo 

To: All SGC Personnel

From: General O'Neill

Subject: Base Lock Down

-

All Personnel:

Be advised that the next two weeks will be a lockout of all non-essential personnel.

Please contact your CO for more details.

General O'Neill

-

Email

To: SG-1

From: The Man

Subject: The Memo

-

Ok, so I guess I would be your CO, seeing that there is no one to take my place… Stop smiling Daniel!

As you know, or if not, you soon will, you are considered to be the lucky "essential personnel". How lucky do you all feel!

Smile,

Jack

P.S. – This is real.

-

Email

To: General O'Neill

From: Teal'c

Subject: Lockdown

-

I have a request to make.

I would like to visit Rya'c and see how he and his bride are doing. I believe I am not needed on this occasion.

- Teal'c

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Email

To: Teal'c

From: Jack

Subject: Ok

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Granted. Say Hi for me.

-J

-

Email

To: SG-1

From: ME

Subject: Amendment

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Everyone EXCEPT Teal'c has to stay on base.

No Carter you cannot visit your father, and Danny, close your mouth, you are letting the bugs in.

- GJ

-

Email

To: Lucky Man; General; Sam

From: Daniel Jackson

Subject: Note

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Have fun, Teal'c.

Seriously we are going to talk about this.

Coffee?

- DJ

-

Email

To: Danny; Colonel Carter

From: THE MAN

Subject: RE: Note

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Scary I know who those were directed to, Danny-boy.

I think tea sounds better, or beer… but we are on base… but I am the General…

Cause I know that "we gotta talk line" was so not for me.

Brace yourself Carter.

Have a good day!

Jack

-

Email

To: Daniel

From: Sam

Subject: Coffee

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Sounds great. We've better go to the café before the lock down. I'll meet you in five.

- Sam

-

Day – 0

Email

To: THE General

From: Daniel

CC: Sam

Subject: Lockdown

-

So what is this lockdown about?

-

Email

To: Daniel; Sam

From: The one in charge/holder of the keys

Subject: Inspection

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We happen to be going over all the SG mission reports – joy!

Or should I say, YOU will be going over the SG reports. I have a meeting with the President. Ahh… sunshine and fresh air.

And fresh coffee…

Toddles!

-J


	2. Chapter 2: Day One

Day 1 – 2pm – 1400

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IM

SCarter: So how are your reports?

DJackson: Boring. It's more up your ally – lots of 'deep space telemetry' here.

SCarter: LOL wow, mine is catalogs of artifacts. One glance and I'm sure you would know if it was ok.

DJackson: I think they did that on purpose. Who do we complain to?

SCarter: I think that would be General O'Neill – the loving commander who is ooh so concerned about our sanity.

DJackson: Hmm I'm sure your right. Coffee break?

SCarter: YES!

-

2hours later – 4pm - 1600

DJackson: So how are the random references to artifact finds going?

SCarter: How are the scientific anomalies and appearances going?

DJackson: Well put.

SCarter: Ya. Loads of fun. Loads.

DJackson: Loads huh? Don't let Jack hear that – you may become the head of the Archeology and Research Department

SCarter: Only if you are the head of the Astrophysics Department.

DJackson: No thanks, I like my job – I understand it. Of course looking at these pictures of space, I can see why you like it so much.

SCarter: Thousands of amazing things out there.

ONei2Ls: Howdy Kids!

DJackson: Jack?

SCarter: Sir, how did you get into this chat room?

ONei2Ls: Is that what this is, looks rather white – well with a few streaks of blue. Carter how do you have text in BLUE?

SCarter: Just set your text color to blue - are you in a meeting, Sir?

ONei2Ls: Can we drop the "Sir" on the chat room… really! The president let us go a few hours early, something about dignitaries… important people… that thing.

DJackson: How is it going? How is General Hammond?

SCarter: Say hi for us.

ONei2Ls: To the General or the president?

DJackson: Both.

ONei2Ls: I'll see what I can do. The meeting is the usual politics thing, blah blah blah…. Blah blah…

SCarter: Sounds fun.

DJackson: Almost as much as we are having here.

DJackson: I have to say "thank you" Jack – I now know what it is like to be in Sam's shoes and look at these pictures and diagrams. Some are rather fascinating.

ONei2Ls: Dang, that was sooo not the point. You two are already two peas in a genius pod. Hmm I can always reassign you both.

SCarter: Please don't Si—General. I have just learned that writing in Latin is not a "Daniel" thing. I'm dusting off some of those old Latin courses in my head.

DJackson: Fun! See I knew it could be fun. Maybe we can talk about Jack behind his back.

SCarter: I don't know… do you know Latin, sir?

ONei2Ls: Does pig Latin count?

DJackson: No Jack.


	3. Chapter 3: Day Two

Next day - Day 2 – 10 am

-

DJackson: Morning!

SCarter: I think I have a cold.

DJackson: Hmm a bit too chipper?

SCarter: A tad.

ONei2Ls: How are those mission reports going? Morning Daniel… Kleenex Carter?

SCarter: The dust is just getting to me… oh hello Si- General

DJackson: Whose office are you in?

SCarter: Dr. Brightman's… I already looked, thanks for the thought. I may sneak into your office ad grab some.

ONei2Ls: Speak ENGLISH Carter.

SCarter: Sinus medication. And Kleenex…. Some hot liquid would help too.

DJackson: I have a new blend in the upper drawer… quite good and powerful. Clears up sinuses with a little nutmeg.

SCarter: Mmm maybe I should grab it now… my eyes are blurring. Damn dust!

DJackson: Condemn the dust:)

ONei2Ls: lights out What is… never mind. I don't want to know. So Danny – how is the quiet base like… I have not been able to enjoy the vast halls of silence with in a mountain for very long.

DJackson: Ah, sweet quietness. It's great. Enjoying being able t o go into the mess hall and know that coffee and Jell-O is always available. And I can sit and not hear people mumbling things about how alien technology is useless. Very nice to be with professionals.

DJackson: On another note, all these pages of different space depths and cosmos are interesting. They are very colorful; you would enjoy them. Maybe Sam will use them sometime in one of her after action briefings. I can see why they would fascinate small children

ONei2Ls: Interesting. Please don't let Carter do that… she might get too excited and start rattling off in Carter Language. Space is one thing I have found interesting. About the only thing Carter and I can talk about and she not lose me… well at least not in the first three paragraphs.

DJackson: OH gotta go… one of the pictures is… umm Sam's gonna kill me!

-

2 hours later – 1pm - 1300

SCarter: Holy Hannah, that coffee did the trick! Thanks Daniel!

ONei2Ls: He is gone. Trying to patch something… I guess.

DJackson: No I'm not gone. I'm right here. Your welcome Sam…

SCarter: Patching what?

DJackson: Oh it's nothing. The walls can be painted the overly stimulating blah gray. I'm sure one of these Air Men can find the color and paint it.

ONei2Ls: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Is my base in jeopardy!

SCarter: What LAB are you IN?

DJackson: Oh a Breaker Burner got a little too close… Lab, umm I don't know it's different then yesterday's… just a little scorch marks.

ONei2Ls: Daniel, being clumsy outside the SGC is one thing, but if you can't handle a little archival inspection with out burning things… we may have to question if you should be living outside the infirmary!

ONei2Ls: What the hell was an open flame doing in the lab in the first place!

SCarter: It's not uncommon for an open Beaker Burner to be on at all times… there are many things that need constant heat.

ONei2Ls: I see….

DJackson: No harm done. Like I said, a few marks… nothing paint can't make go away.

ONei2Ls: I see…

DJackson: O glory! It's 1:30… lunch!

ONei2Ls: Good timing, General Hammond says we have a few minutes before our 4pm meeting with the president.

SCarter: Good luck, Sir. Ham and cheese? That's 'lunch'? Oh man… we are going to have to raid the MRE's.

DJackson: EEWWW!

ONei2Ls: Smile Kids… I'll take in some three-course meal for you, along side sunshine and coffee… mmm can taste the meat now….

SCarter: Sir you are impossible! Daniel, see you in a few.

-

Few hours later – 6pm -1800

SCarter: If an artifact lights up, that's bad right?

DJackson: Generally.

DJackson: What is it?

SCarter: A globe that SG-5 brought back. A translation of the writing says "Gone are the Winds of Argon; Peace will befall many Nations when the Light Appears"

DJackson: Doesn't sound familiar. Or good for that matter

SCarter: I was leaning in that general direction. (In Latin) Is he in here?

DJackson: (In Latin) I don't know. I hope Jack does not know about that. Glowing objects are right there with snakes.

SCarter: Ya, not good. Oh hold on, one of your assistants is trying to make it go off. Be back in a few.

DJackson: Ok, keep me posted.

-

6:17pm -1817

SCarter: I think it 's all good.

DJackson: Good.

DJackson: (in Latin) "He is here."

ONei2Ls: Carter! Danny here was just saying you had an accident of your own?

SCarter: Oh, it was not an accident… well I guess it was. I didn't touch anything. But it was not like a "Daniel accident", sorry D.

ONei2Ls: I see.

DJackson: It's ok. Things happen, and I'm usually there, that's all.

ONei2Ls: Is that how you see it Daniel? What happened?

SCarter: An artifact activated.

DJackson: But everything was ok.

SCarter: One of the assistants knew how to stop it from giving off a small electrical storm. Apparently it has happened before.

DJackson: Disaster averted!

ONei2Ls: How much of a disaster are we taking about if it had not been shut off?

Carter… answers me in ENGLISH!

SCarter: Well, the electricity would have shorted all the computers in the base, possibly leapt out into the public and cause major shortage. Imagine the black out that happened a few years ago and multiply it by a few 10s - of course we would have been the first to be effected so we could not help… shutting off the electricity to 25 floors under ground is not helpful…

SCarter: But like I said, it's all under control.

ONei2Ls: Well I guess I'm glad everything is ok. What are active artifacts doing in the SGC anyhow?

DJackson: The inspectors brought out some of the highly active artifacts we keep in the vault before transferring it to Area 51. Sometimes we keep artifacts we think may come in handy in short notice.

ONei2Ls: And something that can cause MAJOR electrical shorts is considered to "come in handy"?

DJackson: Well…

SCarter: It could. If it would be hooked into a Gou'ald mother ships main control, it could cause enough of a shortage to render the ship's controls inert.

ONei2Ls: Carter! ENGLISH! Please… oh never mind. I kind of understand. Just not sure about it being stored on base.

ONei2Ls: Just make sure it does not glow anymore.

SCarter: Will do Sir.

ONei2Ls: Good. Well, I have to leave, I'm being called to a ball at the Presidents' home. Ahh good food, rubbing shoulders with THE MAN himself, maybe some other important people. Don't let all this cataloging and picture viewing ruin your few days underground.

DJackson: Oh we shall try real hard not to get upset about not being able to leave. (In Latin) You think we can sneak up top and see a few real stars?

SCarter: (In Latin) It's worth a try. Good night General, have a wonderful time. We shall not even think about the grand things you are able to be doing during an inspection.

ONei2Ls: Good! Kids, I'm off! Till tomorrow!


	4. Chapter 4: Day Three

Day 3 – 11am

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DJackson: You up?

SCarter: Barely. I told you playing scrabble would take all night.

DJackson: Yes you did. I'm still questioning if 'Naquadah' is a legal word.

SCarter: It exists doesn't it? It's a word – just happens to be one only we know.

DJackson: Right. Still not sure.

SCarter: Oh and I suppose 'Asgard' is?

DJackson: Good point… I suppose a truce is in order.

DJackson: How are the artifacts coming long?

SCarter: Ok, it's long and at times can be more of a labor to get through the notes just to find one cataloging reference. So far we have found 26 of the artifacts mentioned. Some are used as decorations… is that legal?

DJackson: Well… I enjoy looking at many of the finds we have brought back. Helps sometimes figure out how it all fits together.

SCarter: The General just emailed me… hold on.

DJackson: Jack, his name is Jack, Sam. :)

-

Email

To: Carter

From: The Capital

Subject: None

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Carter –

Please keep Danny out of trouble. I understand that you all are on different floors and what not, but if you could pop in once and a while and blow out any fires he has going, I would be much relieved.

Also, no touching! How many times have I told Daniel that and things went wrong? Just don't do it. Let the professionals deal with it.

Thanks!

General O'Neill; Your Friendly SGC Representative

-

IM - 1147

SCarter: Ok nothing important going on.

DJackson: Good. I wonder if Jack is really having a good time.

SCarter: Are you kidding? He is going insane. All those meetings. You know how he gets just at the simple briefings. His eyes start to glaze and you know he is thinking of something else, until he hears something important, like Goa'uld infested or something equally dangerous.

DJackson: Wow, you actually notice?

SCarter: Daniel I'm an Air Force officer, not blind. I just can't say anything, but notice.

DJackson: I will not tell.

SCarter: Thanks… I better get some more briefs… have to stay busy some how.

DJackson: Yes because it is so boring around here… 1:30, don't forget. I'll have Jell-o waiting.

-

IM – 3:15pm – 1516

SCarter: We established that glowing not good right?

DJackson: (In Latin) He is here. Right. What happened now?

SCarter: Ok, so it would be a given that when a missing piece of a glowing object is,

well, missing, it would stop, right?

DJackson: Maybe. Sometimes it just accelerates the count down

ONei2Ls: Carter…

SCarter: Well, no need to worry about it overloading, well with electricity any way. Remember the weather device on Madrona?

DJackson: Yes… we returned it.

ONei2Ls: You did not try to figure out how it worked, did you Carter? I mean have sketches of the thing laying around…

SCarter: No sir, not laying around, I placed it in the vault, with the other scientific research that could be done on a rainy day… oh no pun intended.

ONei2Ls: So…

DJackson: Oh. Did someone build a weather controller?

SCarter: Yes… Sir, don't get mad. We are hoping the machine will run out of steam soon.

ONei2Ls: What exactly is the situation, Carter?

SCarter: The machine is building its own atmosphere. It had created a small cloud in less than 5 minutes, and had started to soak the moisture out of the air in the room, making it almost 100 saturated with water in 20.

ONei2Ls: This has been going on for 25 minutes!

SCarter: A bit longer, Sir. An estimated 35 minutes.

ONei2Ls: Then what?

DJackson: Well, it would be possible then the cloud would produce rain. If it was at 100 moisture, it would have to bring the levels down some how.

SCarter: It has been raining for about 10 minutes in the containment lab. We had to secure the doors and made sure the equipment was out before it began to rain.

ONei2Ls: What are we doing about making it stop?

SCarter: I don't know if we can make it stop. The other scientists are trying to figure out how to maybe bring the moisture levels down in the room to make it stop.

DJackson: I'm coming up. Sam, I'll be there in a second.

ONei2Ls: Carter… what does this mean?

SCarter: Um that if the water in the room builds too much, it may breach the doors, and could potentially flood the section.

SCarter: Hopefully we could stop it from consuming the whole level itself.

ONei2Ls: Damn it Carter! I leave the base for a few days, and all hell is braking loose. A simple archival inspection has all the worst things happen.

ONei2Ls: I'm going to see if the President will allow me to go back early… so much for fishing.

SCarter: Sir, please check your email.

-

Email

TO: Jack "I am the General and can do what I please" O'Neill

From: The two who suffered from coffee with drawl and needless days without sunshine

Subject: Stars, Artifacts and Generals

-

Due to the archival inspection, we have perceived this to be the perfect opportunity for revenge.

Although no longer physically part of SG-1, and having moved up to a higher capacity, we have noticed that you, General O'Neill, are very attached to the safety of this base. We take this as an indication that you are a very fit General and are glad that you have this concern.

However, we have collaborated to come up with a way to exploit this, much like you did a few weeks ago with our coffee "addiction".

Since this inspection will really take 2 weeks to complete, and you being gone for most of it, this has given us a window of opportunity to put a small counter strike plan together.

Although sincerely sorry to make you worry, and question our ability, concerning the base's safety, we believe we have now evened the score.

The base is not scorched, filled with dangerously active artifacts, nor is it in the process of flooding, These are all from our imaginations, and made you squirm a bit.

Sincerely,

Colonel Samantha "Sam" Carter; Astrophysics Department Head, and Coffee Afficionado

Doctor Daniel Jackson; Archeology and Research Department Head, and Coffee-holic


End file.
